Monkey Terrorists Are Real

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Huh. That's some weird, left-field shit.

The Taliban are buying orphan monkey babies and training them to fire guns. This is not a joke, it is so much better! The US military confirms their existence.

This brings four questions to mind:

  1. The Taliban have the time and resources to smuggle baby monkey orphans and train them?
  2. How can this not be an obvious sign for the US military about Taliban presence? Shouldn’t this, you know, give the Taliban away? AK-47-wielding baboons?
  3. How accurate are these monkeys?
  4. When will Planet of the Apes become reality?
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One Response to Monkey Terrorists Are Real

  1. Jason says:

    I think the better question is why haven’t US forces responded with RPG unicorns. You see, a monkey is too small to effectively wield an RPG, unless its a silverback or something but as we all know, silverbacks only fight on the side of good and most of them are pacifists anyway. A unicorn however, is brawny enough to handle the horsepower of an RPG. Its status as a “mythical” creature means that the Taliban won’t be expecting them and to top it all off, unicorns are much angrier than one would expect (probably due to centuries of assumptions that they are all homosexual – only about 30% are).

    Arm the unicorns.

    Down with terrorists.

    America.

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