Jack Bauer Could Have Done It Twice as Fast, And With Explosions

Oh ho! Looks like fighting terrorism through traditional law enforcement works very well. But just how well? Holding Jack Bauer, who solves all national security threats and gets all suspects to talk no matter what in a tidily efficient 24 hours as the constant, we can compare the awesomeness of actual terrorist fighting instances. Neocons and their like-minded ilk have often complained that Miranda rights will slow down investigations and lead to slower breakthroughs in terror plots. John McCain says:

Don’t give this guy (Faisal Shahzad) his Miranda rights until we find out what it’s all about

Meaning if we do the hokie pokie, it’ll slow down the investigation and take longer to apprehend suspects, and that folks, is what it’s all about.

Or is it?

According to my lame graph, which I think incorporates most terrorist plots foiled or carried out on US soil in the past decade, those perpetrators given Miranda rights were apprehended much, much faster than those terrorists who were not given them. The y-axis is the amount of days after committing an act of terrorism, or attempted on US soil, that the perpetrator remained free before capture.

The orange line is how quickly Jack Bauer, every neoconservative’s wet dream hero, would have solved the actual terror case – with his extra legal warrant for bad assery. So far, those cases that have followed legal law enforcement procedures have apprehended suspects comparably faster than those terrorists not Mirandized. Again, as a disclaimer, I only used threats that were imminent (the plan is physically being implemented) or perpetrated on US soil.

OK,  so Jack Bauer could have solved the Times Square terrorist attempt one day faster. Blame No-bama. Meh, situation needs more explosions. Ones that actual go off, for drama.

Furthermore, within 48 hours, there have already been arrests overseas of accomplices. Law enforcement can do just fine by following the law. We don’t have to call in Jack Bauer or pretend Hollywood’s way, and by some sad political development the Republican Party’s way, is somehow better, faster, or stronger.

Except for catching Bin Laden, can we get on that please?

** Note: I wrote this last night, but didn’t post until this morning because. Naturally, I’ve been beat.  So Wonkette and WaPo already have made the obvious 24-Times Square reference. But mine has a graph.

Update: Looks like he was tortured after all, before given his Miranda rights. Which was yesterday.

This entry was posted in Quacks, Terrorism and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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